Its the middle of January and the thermometer read -24C at 8.30 this morning. The bright sunshine is mocking me. But its more than that. I feel a bit like the Wile E. Coyote trapped in never-ending wheelspin while the Roadrunner gets further and further out of reach.
My life seems so fragmented; part time work breaks up the day and the week and there are always uncertainties about all the people I care about lurking in the back of my brain, waiting to take chunks out of my peace of mind. Right now, both sons are crestfallen over winter work that promised ridiculously high levels of recompense, but which has now fallen through in a hail of lawsuits. (None of them touching us, thank goodness). The furnace is getting old, and I hope it lasts through this cold snap. My dad is having an operation soon. Nick is taking off for a month the week after.
Of course, some of my trials are self-inflicted: there is no earthly reason I need to have a stack of books by my bed which is THIS high.
I could leave those Christmas lights on the back porch until a warmer day. (But, really, I can't because they and the box they came out of are both mocking me every time I pass by. Ditto cobwebs, but housework is a whole other story).
To stay sane, (and avoid housework, frankly) I've created a pie graph, virtual until now, of things I want to include in my everyday life.
But so far, it doesn't reflect reality. Suzy Homemaker I am not, apparently. And now that I look at that chart I see a gaping maw where housework is supposed to be. Hmmm....
My day to day life is actually more like this.
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I think I need another Camino, but this may be, like Sudoku, (see above) just another means of escape. A worthy object of focus is really what is required. Like the next Camino, perhaps? Single point focus seems to be out of the question. But Sudoku? I ought to be ashamed of myself. Maybe there is an online support group for addicts...on Facebook?
BTW, the most amazing thing I've seen today? Me getting on my boots and extra layers to take down those Christmas lights. I'm going. Now....Really, I am.
C´mon. Last blog post you were clearing out boxes of old papers! How many of us January layabouts can say the same? And that stack of books looks absolutely delicious. A sagging bookshelf = a taut mind, I always say.
ReplyDeleteBe kind to yourself. Pull a book out of the middle and sit down by the fire, and tell your inner slave-driver to shut the hell up.